Sunday, December 22, 2013

The 'Host' that lives inside of us

A couple of days ago i decided to watch a movie in the middle of the night because i was in desperate need of inspiration, a though of the movie, The Host, suddenly flew by my mind because i saw the trailer a couple of weeks ago and i was quite impressed, so i decided to watch it anyways despite for the fact that i needed to wake up at 7 am in the morning hahahaha

The movie started off a little bit confusing as a girl named, Melanie, was running away from these peoples that were dressed in white and holding this some kind of futuristic pepper spray, the story continued on where Melanie died because she bursted out of a window and jumped off of a building, which later on she was taken by these people dressed in white to a room where she was lied down and they injected something into her back neck and this creature came out of this metal compartment and it got into Melanie's body.

Based from the movie, the human population was being taken over by these aliens from another planet as they can control a human's body but sometimes, some human fights back so even though the aliens are occupying their body, the presence of their soul still haunts their mind and sometimes it's hard for them to permanently leave. Melanie is different from the rest, her Host, Wanderer feels her strong presence in 'their' head and whenever she wants to do something, Melanie steps in it.

The movie was a sci-fi romance film that had a really interesting storyline as Melanie and Wanderer was torn between two men, Melanie wanted to be with Jared and Wanderer fell in love with Ian, but using Melanie's body. As the story continued on, it made me opened my eyes that a person can truly love someone based on what they are on the inside regardless of what they look like on the outside.

You guys might think i'm crazy for saying this, but i think every single human being that has ever existed in this world has their own 'Host' living inside of them. Including me, including you; who's currently reading my blog, including us, us all.

Ever wonder who is that little voice that wanders inside our head every time we are about to make a decision? that voice that seems to say contradicting things in comparison to what our heart says? well that my friend, i call them our 'Host' or i also like to call them our 2nd-selves.

These Hosts are a part of us that had gone through events that we have and felt what we feel since the day we were born. But sometimes we close ourselves to our internal voices because hearing all of these voices (both from internal and external factors) can be quite exhausting but we don't realise that we are forgetting a piece of ourselves left behind.

In the movie, even though Wanderer was controlling Melanie's body, a part of Melanie's soul still exists within, every decision that Wanderer wants to make that is against Melanie's virtue, things didn't go as well as either of them wanted because these two were fighting with each other. Same with us, when we want something but if there is a wary feeling that we have inside, it will show and effect ourselves, sometimes if we keep on going with these internal disturbance going on, things could go fatal.

I have come to the conclusion that to connect with ourselves is to make ourselves in peace with our Hosts and learn to fall in love with ourselves again and again.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Contradicting Thoughts

i grew up watching Disney channel and i admired shows like Lizzie McGuire, That's so Raven, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, etc. and i could not help it of fantasising being a Disney child star. I would always get excited for the weekends as i would run to the living room with my pyjamas accompanied by my bowl of cereal, i basically grew up with them. But things didn't seem like i wanted to, back then, i wanted to star in my own Disney show and be a star of my own, but i clearly did not think through it, realistically. I was trapped inside my own imagination, I was living in my own mind thinking that other people's achievements were mine and to make it worse, i didn't even realise that it was actually killing me from the inside. It's like i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life because so far the life that i've been living is the life inside my head, and i wanna get out of it, i don't want to be trapped inside my head forever.

I didn't mean to bring this up but i just gotta share my views on former Disney child stars, like Miley. Although some turned out well, the rest, well, somewhat are still in the road of finding who they are, i'm not saying that they turned out bad, i mean, it's just a bit disappointing to see them falling from grace while the rest of the world watches. Which makes me wonder, what were they thinking? how could they fall from such a high level of success that they had? or at least that is how i see it. I didn't knew Demi was facing with depression, i didn't knew how heartbroken Miley was because of a guy, and i didn't the amount of pressure Selene was facing under the spotlight. I guess i was blinded by the fame that they had.

There was once a time where i craved for that fame without further thinking of the risks that comes along with it, and i soon began depressed because deep down inside i knew that i'll never be like them, and then comes a time when i don't want to be like them because i can't handle with the kind of lifestyle that had and the demands from the media (i'm gonna be very honest, such as nudity). It made me calm in a sense that those things will not happen to me because i didn't choose that path, but it also makes me wonder what do i really want to be? have i been always living a dream that should just be a dream? or something bigger than that that just might happen if i keep my eyes open? as if for now, i don't know, and i'm not even sure if i want to know.

well, for whatever may happen to my future, i'm going to live this life happily and i forbid myself to over-think because it's not good for my mental health and i'm gonna focus on what matters now, such as my studies, my blog, my family, and my health :) 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Something New and Exciting

Have you ever just get so tired of your surroundings and you're suddenly craving for something new? that was how i felt 5 months ago, i can definitely say i'm in a much more better place than i was before. But in life, i learned that you can't always get what you want and things don't often flow the way we want it to. 

There has been a lot of amazing people that i have met so far but there are some that i wish i could get to know much further but they seem to close themselves, but sometimes i feel they're closing themselves from me, it saddens me really, i used to take it in real hard because for once, i just want things to go my way, but it certainly taught me a lesson that maybe these people that i thought would be a part of my life isn't worthy of truly being in it.

But i am not giving up :) maybe somewhere out there, i could find that person, and i'm not talking about a quest of finding a love interest, but more likely finding a group of people that i can share good and bad memories with. I always love the idea of getting lost in another man's country and just explore in hopes of bumping with one of the locals and just chat whilst drinking a cup of latte. Even though I have never experienced that before, i'm looking forward to the adventures that my future holds.

To the people that i will meet along my journey,
I can't wait to meet you all :)

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Me vs Myself

This is going to be my first ever post that i'm going to be doing on my blog and honestly saying, couldn't think of any other way to start it off. I don't necessarily know if i'm doing this with the right foot or not but, hi, you can call me Gia but i prefer to be known as Jasminelily95.

Even though this blog is about beauty, lifestyle, make-up lalala etc, hence the title, you guys are probably wondering why on earth would i post about anxiety on this blog. Well, it took me long enough to gather the courage it takes to start this blog, after many tears and anxiousness, i am now finally here starting my own adventure and i would like to share it with my readers :)

Dealing with anxiety can be very depressing at times, it's like you're broken on the inside and you don;t know how to cure it. Not many people know i have anxiety, only people that i trust the most knows about this, but lately, i've been very open to most people that i've encountered even since uni rolled over and i couldn't be more happier. One of my classmates mumbled that revealing your weakness can be fatal as everyone knows about it, but for me, confessing the person that i really am is a step closer in finding out who i am, what is my purpose in life, and how many people i want to inspire throughout this lifetime.

Maybe as i get deeper into this blogging activity, maybe i'll confess more about me and my anxiety, sharing a piece of my life on the internet can be quite daunting, but i believe that happiness is contagious and hopefully people that reads my blog can feel happy as well.

Thank you for reading my awkwardly long intro to my blog and come with me on my adventure! :)