i grew up watching Disney channel and i admired shows like Lizzie McGuire, That's so Raven, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, etc. and i could not help it of fantasising being a Disney child star. I would always get excited for the weekends as i would run to the living room with my pyjamas accompanied by my bowl of cereal, i basically grew up with them. But things didn't seem like i wanted to, back then, i wanted to star in my own Disney show and be a star of my own, but i clearly did not think through it, realistically. I was trapped inside my own imagination, I was living in my own mind thinking that other people's achievements were mine and to make it worse, i didn't even realise that it was actually killing me from the inside. It's like i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life because so far the life that i've been living is the life inside my head, and i wanna get out of it, i don't want to be trapped inside my head forever.
I didn't mean to bring this up but i just gotta share my views on former Disney child stars, like Miley. Although some turned out well, the rest, well, somewhat are still in the road of finding who they are, i'm not saying that they turned out bad, i mean, it's just a bit disappointing to see them falling from grace while the rest of the world watches. Which makes me wonder, what were they thinking? how could they fall from such a high level of success that they had? or at least that is how i see it. I didn't knew Demi was facing with depression, i didn't knew how heartbroken Miley was because of a guy, and i didn't the amount of pressure Selene was facing under the spotlight. I guess i was blinded by the fame that they had.
There was once a time where i craved for that fame without further thinking of the risks that comes along with it, and i soon began depressed because deep down inside i knew that i'll never be like them, and then comes a time when i don't want to be like them because i can't handle with the kind of lifestyle that had and the demands from the media (i'm gonna be very honest, such as nudity). It made me calm in a sense that those things will not happen to me because i didn't choose that path, but it also makes me wonder what do i really want to be? have i been always living a dream that should just be a dream? or something bigger than that that just might happen if i keep my eyes open? as if for now, i don't know, and i'm not even sure if i want to know.
well, for whatever may happen to my future, i'm going to live this life happily and i forbid myself to over-think because it's not good for my mental health and i'm gonna focus on what matters now, such as my studies, my blog, my family, and my health :)
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