Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Fault in Me and the Stars

Just a night ago, i managed to catch a glimpse of the trailer for The Fault in Our Stars before Fox blocked it on youtube. The moment Shailene Woodley's voice blasted from the speaker, i had a feeling this would be one of the movies that i'll anticipate most for this year.

It was good to see fresh new faces that'll appear on the big screen for a change and it excites me even more for the fact that Shailene will play as Tris, and Ansel Elgort (as Augustus Waters in tfios) will play alongside as Caleb, Tris's brother. 

I was quite overwhelmed and nothing has prepared me for this moment, most scenes from the trailer stayed true to the book and even blown my mind away as it turned out better that i'd expected it, for now.

It's quite weird really, when i read the book, i almost feel emotionless, i did not cried as much as i watched the trailer the other night, i was trembling with tears and i listened right away to One Republic's What You wanted; as it was the closing song for the trailer and it was the perfect cherry on top of the cake as i connected the lyrics to the story, if i'm not mistaken, Gus had mentioned in his letter that humans can indeed choose their pain, and he hoped that Hazel did not regret choosing him as a burden and a source of light to her dark skies at the same time, which made me even more emotional as the lyrics of the song haunting my mind until 2.30 in the morning.

I wonder to myself, maybe there was a point of the novel that i missed, or maybe it was my over-excitement that for once, i'm actually reading a fictional story that wasn't the usual cookie cutter type, and for me, that was quite a huge step of adolescence.

It also brings a couple of flashbacks of how i badly used to want to be an actress and having that other people's reaction on the other side of the screen, giving them emotions to hold on to for that couple of minutes in the trailer and letting them into a fictional world as soon as they stepped inside those cinema doors and leave everything behind for that golden hour.

But that is yet another mystery that my future holds for me, for the time being i'm gonna focus on what i have and start with what lies in front of me, which luckily i fell madly in love with blogging as it is somewhat a therapy for my brain to rest as i pour those thoughts into this blog.


A Night Spent With Deb

In the first semester of uni i met this person, her name was Debra and it was like one of those moments where it has only been a couple of times we've had a conversation and but there's this feeling flaring inside of you that you've known this person for a long time, and Debra was that person :)

We met through dance class in uni and we became close. There was this christmas gathering dinner at uni and both of us decided to be each others dates. The dress-code for that night's event was semi-formal 7 blue and white. I opted for a semi-fitted navy blue skirt that made my butt looked well-rounded with ruffled pockets in the front, a black tank-top, my favourite green plaid blazer, my gold necklace that had my name on it (which was given to me as a present when i was a toddler by my lovely relative) and a marry jane pumps, which i wore sandals at first 'cause my toes were blistered from the pain. Debra was wearing a very cute lacy white dress that fitter her petite figure very well and looked sexy and conservative at the same time despite for the short length that showcases her beautiful legs, brown suede wedges and a mint necklace that i added to her look because it looked gorgeous on her and theres a tingling sensation in me when i make my friends happy :)

So we got ready in my place, we were having a good time as we chatted and take a break from the stress of uni and have a bit of fun for one night. As we glanced over the clock, it was nearly 7 and the event started at 5.30, we looked at each other and shared a common of look that says,
"Oh well, it's better to be fashionably late or everyone is just simply too early." and we continued getting ready as before.

At around 7.15 we were finally done and walked to the building that the event was held, when we got there, we noticed that some of the people were actually wearing casual close; as suppose to clothes that they would wear to a normal day at uni, we stopped at the elevator and ran like the wind to the bathroom.

Pacing back and forth and laughing our ass off at each other, it was safe to say that it wasn't our best night to show off our booty and legs, girls started to walk into the bathroom and gave us wary looks; but we minded them anyways, and then two girls walked into the bathroom wearing seemingly identical white dresses that goes above the knee and possibly showing a bit of their cleavage as the v neck went down to their chest. Relieved, both of us started blabbing our embarrassment, they examined us from top to bottom and said that maybe the others we the ones who were 'underdressed', we trailed off their footsteps out of the bathroom and luckily we met our friends from dance class.

Later on, we had to have a ticket in order to get into the venue and because we were late, we didn't got one, i suddenly bumped into a friend of my friend and i just instantly screamed in excitement as finally i encountered someone in this event that's wearing a blue dress with a plunging neckline complemented with a gorgeous white stone necklace, which she covered with a camel tone cardigan (for modesty) and still looked fabulous.

We chitchatted for a while and i sneaked into the venue and luckily, one of her friends gave me two extra tickets to get in for me and Deb, so i went out, grabbed Deb and we stormed into the room and had our little Blair and Serena moment :)

The thing about Christmas Gathering is, it is a moment for respecting Jesus and celebrating a new year ahead, what i did not expected is a little rip-off of The Plastics trying to steal something that clearly wasn't theirs, but who am i to say.....they weren't ours to claim but it sucks to see a group of peeps being dragged off into a new clique that ignores outsiders, but then again, it taught me that no matter where you go or no matter how you think you've left all of the high-school drama behind, bitchy people will always creep into your boiling point in hopes of bringing you down, that is if we stay modest and mind their existence, their ego might just embarrass themselves.

But at the end of the day, had a fun night, shared this moment with one of my good friends in Uni, met some new people, shared a few quite intense one-on-one eye contact with a couple of hot guys that day so it was quite a good day i had and despite for the sudden anxiety attack that strike me earlier that day, i have learn more and more on self-control and doing something productive even at my most hesitant phase.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

A little update on what state i'm in

Hi there readers (that is if i do have any readers then if not, it means i'm talking to myself), I've been..........bittersweet, of life.

I still know what my purpose in life is, i still do the same daily things i do, which consists of going to uni, hangout with friends, lay in bed hastily reading adventurous novels, pacing back and forth listening my ipod 'cause i haven't been really good at controlling my MD (Maladaptive Daydreaming) obsession, but it's getting better though as i always keep reminding myself to get back to reality and just try to focus on what lies in front of me and what lies near my future.

Bad news is, i have lost my laptop charger and i have no idea where it is, i'm just crossing my fingers that it is somewhere in my apartment and i can do blogging again and connect my laptop to the internet and start blogging! Argh, the thing about a dream or a wish is's easier said than done. And i'm fortunately learning the hard way. When i say fortunately is because sometimes people have to get through the hard way in order to be appreciative of that thing once they get it in the future.

I don't know where this path will lead me to but i don't want to fight back with it, i'll see where it takes me and i have to start making those small goals happen so it'll lead to bigger goals.

Wish me luck guys, and please pray for me to find my missing laptop charger!


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

When Happiness Finds You

The first day of my second semester at uni just started and i want things to take a new turn, not like it was back in semester one which is merely just a month ago, back then, i was expecting of this perfect uni life where on the first day or the first semester i'll meet this amazing guy like Augustus Waters and i'll have long conversations with him and strolling around campus with him etcetera but yeap that clearly did not happened because if it did my recent blogpost would probably about this guy that only existed in John Green's work of art.

There's an old saying that said, go to the places where you want to go and there you will meet with the people with common interest as yours. I've always wanted to go to the library by myself and just have some alone time with my book and really dive in into my imagination that has been carved by the book itself. I was quite proud of myself 'cause i finally managed to study independently and make some summaries even though the main purpose of why i came was to continue reading The Fault in Our Stars.

I'm not gonna go into details because i have this fear inside of me of what if someone reads my blog and they actually know who i'm talking about so i'm just gonna go straight to the point, as soon as i finished having my mini study session with myself, i went over to one of the couches in the library which there were two huge ones that were placed parallel to each other and sat on one of them. A group of boys suddenly waved his hand over to me and i soon realised that i know those dudes and i consider them as good friend but we don't see each other much because of our different schedules and all of us were in different faculties.

Most of the conversations were about how uni life is very different and challenging from semester to semester and cracked a little bit humour every now and then but i really enjoyed it, despite my indecisiveness on whether i should continue reading my book or engaging in a conversation with them.

My point of my story is, when you stop looking for happiness, happiness will eventually find you and sometimes it is in the most unlikeliest way that you would like, and i like it when happiness takes me by surprise and at a moment when i'm not expecting something to happen which i often find it hard to get out of that state.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

A New Year; A New Style

Earlier today i was flipping through the pages of Looks magazine, the January edition, and one of their cover stories seemed to catches my attention, 'New Year, New Look' is soon made me overlook through theyears gone by, especially 2013 and i thought to myself, what the hell was I thinking?? I mean, yeah, every now and then we have our regrets in the fashion statement that we made but for me, did i smashed my head into a brick wall or something?! oh dear Coco Chanel please have mercy on me for my fashion choices in the past year has been well.......let's not talk about that, shall we?

Although i do have to admit i've been more reluctant to new fashion trends since i've gained weight (a lot) and i only opt for circle skirts and dresses to hide my expanding thigh; it's really disturbing to find myself not being comfortable in my body figure, but when stress and anxiety kicks in, all i wanna do is sit on my bed, watch a marathon of The Carrie Diaries (in hopes of regaining my confidence and my interest in writing) and munch down a a bowl filled with chips, sounds pretty sad isn't it? but i can assure you it's not that dreadful and i can promise you all i do not do this every night, i've been quite discipline actually, i've cut down the snacks from my mom's grocery list and i am now starting to eat more vegetables and fruits as a substitute for all those scrumptious comfort food.

My goal for 2014 is to lose weight, a lot of 'em. i've been stuck in this state where i like myself better inside my head and what i see in front of the mirror is not the same as i would like to see myself as or be and i've has enough of it.I want my self-esteem to sky rock high above the clouds and stop fantasising of having that ideal body that i want because i will work hard for it and i'm gonna get it.

Two of my top staple pieces that i cannot go out of the house are, a circle skirt and a cardigan that covers my bum and hide my oh so large hips, i am blessed for my curves but currently those curves are being hugged by layers and layers of fat coming from foods that i apparently should not eat in order to get that ideal figure.

This year, i want to expand my fashion choices and choose something that isn't oh so obvious. Starting from the usual orders i make at my fave restaurants, for instance, at lunch, i choose this very delicious thin pancake stuffed with peanut butter fillings and top it off with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and the bet part is, it's topped with caramel syrup all over it, where i usually would probably order a chocolate waffle with sprinkles of chocolate chips on top, so yeah, that's quite a change there!

There is a sense of jealousy i feel inside of me whenever i see these girls with slim legs and they look good in jeans, and my biggest pet peeve is someone that complains about their chicken leg because they look dangly, for god sakes! at least you girls could fit into a size 6 of skinny jeans and eat a double cheese burger and voila! ok maybe that's quite offensive to some that are dealing with weight gain issues, but my point is, i struggle a lot with this unflattering body figure of mine and it irritates me to hear or see someone complaining about theirs when obviously they know that they're two size smaller than me.

I want to explore more with wild patterns and wearing legit skinny jeans that goes right with my height and body figure! i don't wanna be stuck wearing skater skirts for my whole life, i wanna feel comfortable in wearing a loose shirt, black-fitted leggings, and a pair of combat boots, yeapp i wanna jump right in the line of the girl that dresses from head to toe marked by Brandy Melville. 

This entry seemed to be more like a rant as opposed to be a fashion blog but i promise i'll post more relevant things in the future and it'll include with a set of pictures to make my blog seem more interesting.