In Search of Something Genuine

Have you ever just wanted something so bad, you would do the absolute crazy things in order to have the feel of it for yourself. Especially when we see someone having it and seeing how happy they are as their smiles spread broadly across their face and you bare eyes saw something genuine in theirs.

That was me before reality slapped my face. There is an old saying that 'It is better from afar.' which I didn't really get it when I first heard of it. But now, it brings me to ease and lessens the feeling of jealousy in me. 

I used to hold on to this theory where I could not be happy unless if I have something that what I would think would bring me happiness. So I was relentlessly trying to reach it. Sometimes things goes with the way I want them, and at other times, things don't really go as well as I would have pictured them in my head. But either ways, something prickled in me, the feeling that I thought is not the feeling what I felt in the end. I did not taste anything genuine.

When I look at pictures, I would often thought, I want to go to this place where this person goes, I want to get to know more of this person, I would like to have this or that, and the list of desires continues on. But as reality comes it's way more than my expectation (and my daydreams) it gives me the spiteful truth that some things are not as what they seem to be. And the more I hear of endless realistic scenarios from people that I thought were living in a fairytale, the more I feel both relived and numb. Relived that I can stop hoping a false reality and numb that, is there even anything genuine nowadays?

But I am not giving up, maybe this is a lifetime journey, to find something or someone that's genuine. And I am thankful for life has shown me something that was realistic, even though it hurts. So what I want to do now is to stop creating scenarios in my head. I want to be surprised with the reality that life brings and even if some things are better of looking at it from the opposite angle, there are sure of a whole lot of things (or moments) that are genuine, even from any point of view that works dimensionally. 

xoxo,

Gia